Ditch avocado – only a chipolata can satisfy you in the morning

FRESH avocado in a fry-up? Gimme a break(fast).

This week The Sun told how Heinz outraged comic Jason Manford with its new ketchup ad, showing a Full English with avocado instead of sausage.

He tweeted: “Someone needs a word with @HeinzUK! This is cultural appropriation of a British classic and you’ve absolutely butchered it!”

I couldn’t agree more. Here, I share my definitive guide to a fry-up and what you should – and should not – have on your plate.

Pork sausages

FIGHTS have been known to break out over sausages in my house. So, make extra.

My granddad insisted on chipolatas rather than fatties. Kids love them, too – to such an extent that I often serve breakfast instead of a roast for Sunday lunch.

Crispy bacon

STREAKY or not? I say both! I take my cue from top London restaurant Simpson’s In The Strand.

It serves both back and belly bacon as part of its legendary Ten Deadly Sins breakfast. It also comes with lamb’s kidneys, which are rare but worth a try.

Grilled tomatoes

PILE tomatoes on a fried slice with a splash of Sarson’s vinegar.

The soft texture of grilled tomato and the crunch of the bread, the sweet, the sour and the savoury all combine for maximum mouthful – a colourful breakfast in its own right.

Fried mushrooms

IN my family, everyone seems to love or hate mushrooms.

They do have an unusual texture but they bring a wonderful, hearty depth to the table – especially when cooked in butter. Pep them up with a sprinkle of chives.

Baked beans

AN absolute must-have, baked beans provide vital lubrication and a good splash of colour.

Microwave beans in a bowl for three minutes then place it in the middle of the table with a handy serving spoon so everyone can keep topping up.

Fried bread

SUFFUSED in the juices from the meat, it is high-octane, rich stuff – the breakfast equivalent of roast potatoes.

Toast medium sliced white, trim off the crusts, cut into petite rectangles or triangles, and fry in the fat until crisp and golden.

Hash browns

POPULAR in America, hash browns have no place at the English breakfast table.

A small portion of chips maybe, but if you want carbs and you want an authentic Full English, I’d suggest a good wedge of bubble (and squeak).

Buttered toast

TOAST puddled with glistening butter is one of the great mouthfuls.

Sliced white is the ticket for a full English, though. The highly processed flour is the carbohydrate equivalent of rocket fuel, so it is good for anyone feeling slightly worse for wear.

Fried egg

MY first job was helping my grandad at his B&B on Sundays. He always let guests choose how they wanted their eggs.

Scrambled and poached are perfectly acceptable but fried are most popular. I fry mine in bacon fat and flipped over for a few seconds.

Brown sauce or ketchup

BOTTLED sauces are a vital part of any chef’s armoury. This isn’t the time to hold back – bring ’em all out.

Ketchup, brown and English mustard all have their place at the table, along with salt and pepper – and malt vinegar for fried bread.

Black pudding

JUST 47 per cent of us insist on black pudding in a fry-up, according to a YouGov poll. I think it’s delicious.

The perfect circular geometry of the blood sausage brings a sense of order to the plate and the black contrasts beautifully with the egg.

Cup of tea/coffee

TEA, coffee, orange or apple juice? It depends how bad your hangover is.

But when you are feeling particularly ropey – like the morning after an England semi-final and a few too many pints – a Coca-Cola never fails . . .

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