A 30-YEAR-OLD woman went from sleeping with someone every week to a year of celibacy and found some surprising benefits to giving up sex.
Brenda Osorno would go on up to three dates a week and had regular sex partners but gave up the latter for the whole of 2022 to concentrate on her own well-being.
In addition to a busy dating schedule, Brenda previously had a rotation of two or three so-called "special friends" whom she would sleep with once a week.
But after a disappointing breakup, she decided to try celibacy and filled her time with new activities like boxing and pole dancing,
When she reached 30 days, she felt so good that she carried on going with what she calls her “Mother Theresa stint.”
Though it was difficult at times — even leading to some sleepless nights — she ultimately saw her confidence and sense of self grow and decided to remain abstinent for the time being.
“I had gotten tired of the hook-up culture that exists among a lot of people in their 20s," Brenda, an advertising producer from Miami, Florida, said.
“I used to be a serial online dater. I was working long hours, so dating was my outlet. But outside of my job and dating, I didn’t really have a sense of my identity.”
When a guy she had been seeing for about three to four months was unwilling to commit, she broke up with him and decided to stop dating altogether.
“At first, I was so infatuated with this guy that I pretended I was okay with keeping our relationship casual. But the new year came around and I thought, hey, let me take a step back here and work out what I really want,” she said.
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While taking a vacation in Mexico, Brenda started to “look inwards” and take stock of what she wanted in her life.
“At the time, I was drinking a lot, not feeling fully confident in my own body, and generally not leading a healthy lifestyle,” she said.
When she returned from vacation in April 2022, she had been celibate for three months.
She added: “It was a month until my 30th birthday, so I decided to commit myself to trying something new every day and seeing what’s out there beyond dating.”
Over the course of the month, Brenda went on bike rides, took up boxing, tried pole dancing, went to Pilates classes, and even tried her hand at stand-up comedy.
“After my birthday, I felt great, so I just kept going. I started filling my schedule with activities rather than thinking about dating — it was a form of self-therapy,” she said.
“I carried on working out and started connecting with other women online who were doing the same thing, and the time started to fly by.
“Once I’d made it to six months without having sex, I thought, ‘Wow, this is the same girl who used to go on two to three dates a week!’
Brenda said that abstinence boosted her self-confidence and helped her find herself.
“Celibacy gave me the confidence to try new things, and the new hobbies I have discovered have given me a renewed sense of identity," she said.
“By taking care of myself and remaining celibate, I started to work out what I wanted to do with my life. I realized that I used to go on dates to validate myself.
“When I’m in a relationship, I have a tendency to let myself go and become completely wrapped up in the other person.
"But going celibate made me feel like no one could hold me back. Now I don’t have to answer to anyone other than myself and my mom.”
In January, Brenda celebrated being celibate for a year. But despite all the positives that celibacy has brought, Brenda said there have been some tricky moments.
“It was very difficult at times because I couldn’t help but fantasize about the last person I had been intimate with,” she said. “There were some nights where I just couldn’t get him out of my head.”
She has also had female friends try to set her up with men whom she has then tried to avoid.
"I was at a party last weekend and two friends set me up with a guy. All I could think was, ‘Why am I doing this?’” she said, admitting she left the party.
However, she said the fulfillment she has gained from remaining celibate is far more worthwhile than “hitting up a random person for a quick moment of satisfaction.”
Though she hasn't had sex, Brenda hasn't sworn off all physical contact and kissed three guys over the course of the year.
“During my celibacy, I kissed three guys at different points in the year. But I tried to remind myself it's not about whether that person wants me, it’s about if I want them.”
Though she's passed the one-year mark, Brenda said she plans to continue her celibacy streak for the time being — until the right man comes along.
"If I meet someone and the vibe is right, I'd consider it," she said.
"I'm not trying to think of it as uber-holy because I did a year. But equally, I don't want to be scared of it next time. I'll just try to hold off until I find someone special."
Brenda said that going celibate has been hugely positive for her and she highly recommends it to other people.
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“I think more people should try celibacy. You don’t need to go a full year, but it’s nice to try to restrict yourself,” she said.
“Celibacy has given me a way to pursue other interests than dating and to focus on myself for a change.”
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