Colette Fitzpatrick: 'What's self-partnering? Come on, Emma Watson, you’re better than this'

Somewhere, Gwyneth Paltrow is seething. Her “conscious uncoupling” has gone and been trumped by Emma Watson’s “self-partnering”.

It sounds like a case of “I’ll see your gibberish, Ms Paltrow, and raise you my baloney”.

What’s self-partnering?

I immediately had an image of Emma Watson strolling hand in hand with Emma Watson. Emma Watson staring into Emma Watson’s eyes. Emma Watson repeatedly checking her phone in case Emma Watson had texted her and she had missed it.

I get that Emma Watson, as a single woman, possibly feels she’s in danger of getting the Jennifer Aniston treatment.

No other A-lister has been given the “unhappy, dreams shattered, loveless, childless” treatment more than Aniston.

The endless pictures of “Poor, single Jen” allegedly looking desperate, miserable and lonely; the constant scrutiny of her stomach to see if there’s a bump.

The message, of course, is you can’t live happily ever after unless you have a man. 

But self-partnering? Hon- estly, that’s going too far. 

Why not “yes, I’m still single and yes, I’m happy and content”?

Why not point to the UN campaigns, award-winning acting career and endless money-making endorsements and ask the interviewer if he/she really thinks Emma Watson’s life is in some way lacking?

“Self-partnering” sounds a little like something you might hear in a therapist’s office in Tinseltown.

Come on, Emma, you’re better than this.

What next? Will Facebook include it in its relationship status feature? Ugh.

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