I'm having amazing sex with my boss but she's married and twice my age

DEAR DEIDRE:  I AM in love with my boss. The sex is amazing and she is making life magic for me.

She’s married and twice my age but I don’t want this to end.


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We work for a security firm. She’s in charge of the office and I’m on the phones.

I fell for her the first time I saw her. She interviewed me for the job and I realised, of course, that she was much older than me but maybe that was part of the charm.

She’s 49 and I’m a guy of 25 but I’ve always found women that age a big turn-on.

I had been working there for a couple of weeks when I noticed she kept smiling at me.

I took a chance and invited her out for a drink after work. I felt pretty sure what the answer would be and it turned out I was right.

We sat side by side at the bar with our drinks and she rested her hand on my leg straight away.

Two nights later I booked us a room and the sex was the best I have ever had.

I’ve been seeing her now for eight months, even through lockdown, and she tells me she dreams about me every night.

She hates being parted from me and says she cannot understand why I’m with her at all.

This is troubling me as I love her and I am scared she will start pulling away because she constantly questions my love and keeps asking herself when she’s going to get hurt.

I wish I could make her believe that I am in it for keeps and that being with her is the only time I feel like a man.

I know she is not leaving her husband for me but that’s fine just as long as she’s part of my life.

I am scared that some day she will end it with me and I couldn’t bear working with her after that.

I’d have to resign from my job.

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HAVING different sex drives is a common sexual problem for couples.

Sometimes it is a genuine biological difference.

It can also mask issues such as one partner feeling used.

My e-leaflet Different Sex Drives can help.

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DEIDRE SAYS: So, it’s no problem to you if she stays with her husband and just fits you in when she can.

It needs no commitment from you, no demands and no responsibility. Maybe that is what suits you so well.

By choosing a woman much older than you who is already settled in life, you are maybe protecting yourself from being asked to give your all.

One downside to this, as you have realised, is that your lover is confused about where this is going and whether you will leave her one day.

She may be asking herself when you are going to move on with a woman who is more your own age. Good ­question.

On the one hand you may be ­protecting yourself, but on the other, you are open to hurt – and of course by having sex you are both risking transmitting Covid.

Best think about what is really going on for you in what is effectively a dead-end relationship.

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