My boyfriend won't have sex with me unless I get my nails done

DEAR DEIDRE: My boyfriend won’t have sex with me unless I get my nails done. 

I’m 28 and he’s 27. We’ve been together for three years.


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He constantly criticises my appearance. When we go out, he won’t hold my hand unless he thinks I look good enough to be “on show”.

For my birthday, he ignored all my present hints and instead gave me a voucher to get my nails and eyelashes done as a “treat”.

I am a nurse, and not allowed to have long, false nails because it’s unhygienic.  

Last night, in bed, I hugged him and he turned away and said, “Why haven’t you used that voucher yet?”

When I said I couldn’t, and he should love me regardless, he just scoffed and went to sleep.

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He once said that if I made more effort with my appearance, he’d treat me better. 

It’s making me so unhappy.

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DEIDRE SAYS: This is ringing alarm bells. Your boyfriend sounds shallow, narcissistic and controlling.

He isn’t interested in who you are, and seems to value you only for your looks.

My support pack, Abusive Partner, will tell you more about this type of relationship and show you were to turn for help.  

Love should never be conditional. Please think about leaving him before he destroys your self-worth. 

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