My chaotic girlfriend expects me to get her life in order every time I visit

My girl expects me to clean her flat, fill her freezer and fix things whenever I visit.

I usually turn up to total chaos, which I spend days sorting out.

When I complain about the state of her bathroom or the lack of food in the kitchen, she purrs “You’re so much better at this stuff than I am” – as if that’s a compliment.

The other Sunday, I found a week’s washing up in the kitchen, plus pizza boxes and empty wine bottles. When I asked if she’d had a party, she snapped: “Don’t question me.”

We’ve been dating for three years but haven’t lived together full-time. I work from home all week and visit her at weekends.

During lockdown, she quickly decamped to her parents’ house in Devon so that she didn’t have to cook or wash up.

Now we’re almost back to ­normal and she expects me to slip back into the old routine. But why should I spend days ­cleaning when she just allows the place to turn into a tip?

When I accuse her of having no respect she sticks out her ­bottom lip and says in a silly baby voice: “I’m so sorry.” But I know she doesn’t mean it.

Sex is the same. I do all the hard work while she lies back and gives orders. She’s always saying “surprise me” and I’m ­expected to come up with meals, treats and sexual tricks.

How have I ended up like this? I promised myself a new start when she came back from Devon but I’ve reverted to the same ­cycle of domestic drudgery.

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JANE SAYS:

Your girlfriend may think she’s very clever but you’ve obviously reached your limit.

It’s bad enough when we have to clean up our own mess but tackling someone else’s washing up and broken stuff is no fun at all. Why should you shoulder the ­burden when she cynically allows problems to pile up throughout the week?

Would it kill her to clean as she goes? As for filling her freezer and massaging her ego, forget it. Who made her the boss?

I get the impression of a very cynical, entitled woman who thinks the world revolves around her. If she did have a party, why didn’t you get an invitation or know about it?

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Ultimately, if you crave a fresh start with or without her, you need to make it ­happen. Tell her today that everything needs to change.

If living together full-time isn’t desirable or an option, then how are you both going to manage these weekend meet-ups in future? What rules and agreements can be put in place?

Sadly, if she’s only really ­interested in rinsing and ­using you, then is it finally time for you to walk away?

It’s vital that you realise your own worth and needs.

You’re not her skivvy and it’s most certainly not your job to leave her with a gleaming home every Sunday night.

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