DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband’s fetishes and kinky thoughts are really weirding me out.
At first it was all a bit of a joke but it’s got out of hand.
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He would tell the odd foot-fetish joke, or one about other strange acts.
I didn’t mind then as I didn’t for a moment think he was being serious.
But over the last few years, he’s started to mention these things more often.
I am 39 and my husband is 41. He likes to massage my feet, suck my toes and paint my toenails.
Recently, he’s also started to talk openly about his nylon fetish. He likes the look of my feet, toes and legs wrapped in nylon stockings.
He likes to smell them or put them in his mouth.
I know it is a real turn on for him but it really doesn’t do much for me, although I try occasionally to accommodate this into our sex life.
We have been married for 15 years but I don’t think he mentioned his tastes at all early on.
I’m not comfortable with his kinks, especially since he stepped up his requests recently.
He’s been begging me to pee on him. There is no way I want to do it, even once. It sounds so degrading.
It’s started to really affect my mental health and I’m worried I don’t really know my husband any more.
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I still love him but don’t know how to deal with these requests. I can’t help but think the way he is behaving is not normal.
But what do I do? Support him or make him stop?
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DEIDRE SAYS: People’s fetishes can be harmless, and the feet are an erogenous zone for many.
Toe-sucking is not as unusual as you would think. There are lots of nerve endings in the toes and soles – which is why feet are so ticklish – and this can equal pleasure.
You have shared in his fetishes as best you can, but nobody should accept any sexual behaviour which harms or humiliates them.
Sex must always be consensual, and you should feel comfortable saying no to anything your husband suggests that makes you feel uneasy. And, in turn, he should respect your position.
Like many fetishes, childhood is where an interest in urine can start, especially when it has a psychological link to punishment or control. Those same sensations in adulthood can cause kinky excitement.
My support pack Fetish Worry will explain more and might be useful for you both to read.
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