My virgin girlfriend still doesn't want to have sex after a year due to anxiety

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER more than a year, I’ve still not had sex with my partner. We’re both 21.

I’ve had a few girlfriends and love sex but she is a virgin and suffers from vaginismus and anxiety.

I’m doing my best to make it as gentle and loving for her as I can.

I make her climax without having sex, which I know she enjoys, but it’s not as fun for me.

It will bring us much closer together if we can have sex.

I’ve told her it’s likely to hurt at first but soon after it will feel OK.

DEIDRE SAYS: It is very promising that you and your girlfriend are sharing sexual pleasure if not intercourse.

Vaginismus means vaginal muscles tighten in fear and make intercourse painful. Talk to her about what has made her especially anxious so you can reassure her.

My e-leaflet Painful Sex? explains sex-help sex therapy so she gradually feels comfortable about having intercourse.

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