I was a party girl with constant hangxiety – I went sober at 26 after uni drinking culture left me with an alcohol problem

• Millie Gooch, 32, has been ‘much happier’ since giving up alcohol in 2018
• READ MORE: All the details on Sober October, including mocktail recipes and how giving up alcohol can lead to more money and a smaller waistline 

Freshers’ week with its intense drinking culture may be a rite of passage for new university students, but one graduate has told how hers sparked a ‘problematic relationship with alcohol’ that followed her into working life.

Millie Gooch, 32, started drinking regularly at 18, during Freshers’ week when she started her course in English language and literature at the University of Sussex.

She says the drinking culture meant she would binge on booze several times every week and regularly drink pints of vodka-Red Bull on nights out – but, at the time, she didn’t see an issue.

Millie would often go on nights out and consume triple shots of vodka poured into pint glasses of Red Bull.

She had a ‘constant hangover’ bout would overcome the issue by ‘getting back on it’.

Millie Gooch, 32, has told how she went from drinking hardly at all to regularly binge drinking during her Freshers’ week in 2009. After facing up to the fact that her ‘hangxiety’ had become a problem, Millie gave up drinking in 2018

Millie says she’s ‘much happier’ now that she’s sober. She enjoys mocktails instead of cocktails these days and makes the most of opportunities to have wholesome days out with friends 

Millie’s problem stuck with her for years afterwards – and her behaviour became ‘dangerous’. She’d often wake up in different people’s houses, and use alcohol to cope in anxious situations, like dates.

At the same time, she had constant ‘hangxiety’ – elevated levels of anxiety during a hangover – which would take hold for weeks.

Now – she’s been sober for more than five years – and she’s ‘happier than ever’.

Millie, who runs Sober Girl Society – a community for sober and sober curious women – full-time, from Kent, said: ‘I crafted my whole persona around being a party girl.

‘Drinking became the only thing I’d look forward to – now I’m much happier.

‘It was so hard to untangle the cycle – drinking made me anxious, and I’d cope with it by drinking more.’

Millie moved to Brighton, East Sussex, in September 2009, and began studying English language and literature at the University of Sussex.

Before Freshers’ week, Millie says she wasn’t a heavy drinker and would only have ‘the odd drink’ at family gatherings.

Millie started her own organisation, the Sober Girl Society, which provides a ‘safe space for sober and sober curious women who are changing their relationship with alcohol’

She said: ‘I was born in August, so I was the youngest in my year. I turned 18, and went to uni three weeks later.

‘I’d have the odd WKD at a family party – but I didn’t start drinking heavily until Freshers’ week.

‘Drinking culture was huge at uni – everything was just shoved in our faces from the get-go.

‘If I told people I wasn’t a drinker, I’d probably be seen as a loser – it would’ve been much harder to make friends.’

Millie says she went from ‘a bit of a nothing drinker’ to a regular binge drinker within the space of a week.

She’d go out to bars and clubs four times a week throughout uni – with her drink of choice being ‘two triple vodka-and-Red-Bulls poured into a pint glass’.

In 2011, Millie graduated but she says her problems with alcohol became worse when she got a job in the media industry.

She found it hard to say no to constant pub trips and networking events with complimentary champagne.

She found that her drinking became only more problematic when she started working in PR where alcohol was readily available at networking events 

Millie says she soon found herself in a continuous cycle of anxiety, depression and drinking to self-medicate.

‘I worked in PR after uni, then became a magazine journalist,’ she said.

‘It was an incredibly booze-heavy industry, there were tons of networking events.

‘It was just a perk of the job – free-alcohol Fridays, walking into events and instantly grabbing a glass of champagne off the tray.

‘And because it wasn’t a super corporate atmosphere, everyone was game to have a drink, have a bit of a laugh – knowing we were all in it together.’

Millie says a big trigger for her was being ‘filled with shame’ whenever she woke up after a big night out.

‘Shame can be quite a big trigger for drinking,’ she added.

‘I’d go out and wake up in other people’s homes, not remembering how I got there.

Millie remembers having a moment of clarity in 2018 when she realised that she didn’t want to go on relying on alcohol to cope. She’s now been sober for five years 

‘The day after a night of drinking, I’d wake up and feel really low. It was a two-fold effect – obviously the alcohol itself taking hold, but I’d have real blackouts.

‘I’d get so paranoid – what did I say? What did I do? Is everyone really p***** off with me?

‘Hangovers were lasting longer and longer – and by the time I’d start to feel better, it was suddenly Friday, and time to go out again.’

Caught in a cycle of using drinking to cope, Millie finally made the decision in 2018 to take a break from booze.

While ‘nothing in particular’ prompted her to quit – she says she had a sudden realisation that she didn’t want to carry on living with her problems with alcohol.

She said: ‘The hangover I gave up on was pretty normal for me – nothing life-changing happened, it was nothing crazy.

‘But I just had this sense of clarity – I can’t keep living like this.

‘I didn’t want to use drink to cope with social anxiety – I was sick of going on dates and not being able to remember what happened the night before.

‘It was miserable, and I was struggling.’

While Millie used to rely on alcohol to cope with stressful situations such as dates, she feels ‘much calmer’ now without it

Five years on, Millie has ditched the drink for good – she’s swapped cocktails for mocktails, and goes on ‘wholesome’, sober days out with friends.

She credits non-alcoholic drinks and surrounding herself with sober friends for staying on-track.

She also left the media industry full-time – choosing to work as a freelancer from home and start her own organisation, Sober Girl Society.

‘I just feel a lot calmer now,’ she said. ‘I’m able to manage my mental health a lot better.

‘I’m much more stable – I no longer create all my own problems and disasters. I’m much happier.’

Source: Read Full Article