I'm 15 years younger than my husband and people assume I'm a bimbo

I’m 15 years younger than my husband and people assume I’m a bimbo and say our relationship is ‘cringey’

  • Anonymous UK-based woman took to Mumsnet to discuss her relationship 
  • READ MORE: My daughter’s 12-year-old friend overstays her welcome and uses my expensive shampoo when she sleeps over – should I confront her mother?

A woman has prompted an online conversation about age gap relationships after revealing she is 15 years younger than her partner. 

The anonymous woman, who is believed to be UK-based, took to parenting forum Mumsnet to share a post titled [Am I Being Unreasonable]  to think the young girlfriend/wife gets a raw deal?.

Despite saying her husband is ‘happier than ever’, and even his own mother agrees, a number of respondents described the relationship set up as ‘cringey’, after the couple met when she was 21 and he was 36.

The original post read: ‘I’m 15 years younger than my husband. We have been married a year and have a 4-month-old baby. 

‘I’m 25, he’s 40 and we’re both in great careers, have our own home, financially stable, unbelievable sex life and genuinely happy. We have our disagreements like everyone else, but on the whole it’s a healthy, happy relationship.

An anonymous woman has prompted an online debate after taking to Mumsnet to share her thoughts on how women with older partners are often not taken seriously (stock image) 

According to the post, the anonymous woman feels as though people do not take women who are much younger than their male partners as seriously as they would if the couple were closer together in age

‘However – I still find I get a lot of sneers and as if I must be a young bimbo for being much younger, like I’m a silly wee girl. We got a lot of “oh she’s a silly young girl” or “she’s his mid-life crisis”, “it’ll never last” etc.

‘Just recently we had an appointment with our solicitor about something and he apologised and we said why? And he said he got us all wrong on paper he expected some young dope not someone with career, sensible etc

‘I’ve also noticed on Mumsnet itself a lot of younger girlfriends/wives etc get a bad name or labelled very quickly.

‘If they’re the other woman I completely understand as I know that sometimes is the case when there’s a younger girlfriend/wife but apart from that I don’t understand why we get labelled so badly or as if we are silly/naive/stupid??’

A number of respondents took to the post to reveal that can see such pairings in a negative light.

One wrote: ‘I just can’t understand what an attractive, stable, career orientated 25 year old would see in a 40 year old man unless it’s £££ or unresolved issues.

‘Equally I’d find it deeply unsettling that a 40-year-old man went for someone so much younger.’

A further respondent claimed the blame lies more with the men. They wrote: ‘The judgment is more on the men than the women. The number of men who move on from women/ relationships they have been in for 20 yrs, to pick up with someone young enough to be their daughter and do it all over again is slightly cringe.’

Another felt even more strongly, writing: ‘A 36 year old with a 21 year old is creepy IMO.

‘I think you will see this differently when you’re 36 yourself and you realise how young 21 year olds come across, even the mature ones.’

A further forum user agreed, asking what the pair could have in common.

They wrote: ‘I’m thirty-six. The thought of dating a twenty-one-year-old man is just… yikes. WTF would we have in common?’ 

Some warned the poster that her opinion could change as she ages.

One wrote: ‘OP I’ve been where you are and I also naively thought everything was perfect. Now in my forties I can recognise the power imbalance and things that were inappropriate despite thinking it was a great relationship at the time. In your twenties you’re naive and inexperienced and you will probably change a lot as a person in the next 5-10 years.’ 

Many forum users felt the poster may change her opinion as she ages – however, others were more supportive including one who said the couple sounds ‘good together’

Another agreed, writing: ‘I would have said the same in my twenties.

‘However, when you are in your late thirties/forties, young men and women aged 21-25 will almost seem like children to you. Naive, easily manipulated and very few real things in common. Most people who aren’t deficient in some way would not look at someone that much younger as a potential equal partner.’

And in a similar vein, a further respondent wrote: ‘I won’t judge the gap but, being a bit older than your husband, me and my DH have discussed this sort of thing and we wouldn’t be interested in someone that much younger. The reason is just lack of life experience, lack of the knowledge and experience that brings to perspective, conversation, everything. I hope it works for you and your DH but it is unusual.’ 

However, some were more positive, and felt that such relationships can have positive outcomes.

Among them was a forum user who wrote: ‘There’s the same age gap between my mum and dad. He did have a first marriage which failed before they met in her early 20s and they’ve just celebrated their 40th anniversary. Love is love and there can be unhealthy relationships at any range of ages. It sounds like you’re good together, ignore them!’

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